Men in Love

Love, for a man, is rarely simple. It is both armour and vulnerability, a risk and a refuge. Since the dawn of human civilisation, men have been taught to lead, to protect, and to conquer. The world recognised masculinity with strength, stoicism, and control. The cultures around the globe extended their stories through mythology, folklore, and historical narratives of men cast as warriors, kings, sages, and patriarchs. These stories were not just meant to entertain but to provide a template for manhood. It was the standard that was to be followed. Strength was revered, doubt was buried, and emotion was often trimmed to fit the silhouette of stoicism. Quoting Vidur Niti affirms the foregoing sentences:

अष्टौ गुणाः पुरुषं दीपयन्ति

प्रज्ञा च कौल्यं च दमः श्रुतं च ।

पराक्रमश्चाबहुभाषिता च

दानं यथाशक्ति कृतज्ञता च ॥ १०४ ॥

Eight qualities illuminate (bring out the brilliance of) a man: wisdom, nobility, control over the senses, knowledge of scriptures, valour, reticence, charity according to one's strength, and gratitude.

Education, media, and social institutions reinforced this narrative. Boys were told not to cry, not to pause, and not to “feel too much.” From playgrounds to boardrooms, the reward was for action, dominance, and certainty. But what lay deeper and more human was the love. Love remained unfamed. It was not meant for the chatter but for the silence of solitude. Men loved. Fiercely. Wholeheartedly. And often, in silence. For men, love doesn’t roar; it simmers quietly under layers of social conditioning.

The Hindu philosophy defines four goals for living a fulfilling life, the four purusharthas: Dharma (righteousness), Artha (prosperity), Kāma (pleasure), and Moksha (liberation). The umbrella term Kāma, though embodies all forms of pleasure, is prominently indicative of sexual eroticism, lust, and passion. It is no surprise that love has been closely related to sexual prerequisites. Kāmadev is the god of love as well as lust. Fun fact: he is the consort of Rati (literally meaning love). In many readings, Kāma becomes a shorthand for lust, leading to an oversimplified conflation of love with its physical expression. This narrowing is both revealing and limiting. In classical Hinduism, Kāma is not a sin but a legitimate pursuit—as essential to life as virtue, wealth, or even spiritual freedom. In ancient epics, we find glimpses of men undone by love: Bhishma choosing celibacy out of loyalty, Rama walking into exile with his beloved Sita, and King Dushyanta torn by longing and forgetfulness after parting from Shakuntala. The lamentation of Maryada Purushottam in Aranyakaand, Kishkindakaand, and Sundarkaand is noteworthy:

किमि सहि जात अनख तोहि पाहीं। प्रिया बेगि प्रगटसि कस नाहीं॥

एहि बिधि खोजत बिलपत स्वामी। मनहुँ महा बिरही अति कामी॥

How do you endure such competition, O’ Sita? Why don’t You reveal Yourself quickly, My Beloved?” In this manner, Lord Ram, while searching for Sita ji, lamented as if he was deeply affected by the pangs of separation and was exceedingly dwelling in lust.

घन घमंड नभ गरजत घोरा। प्रिया हीन डरपत मन मोरा॥

The water-laden clouds boast loudly, producing thunderous sounds, and my heart trembles to witness all this in the absence of my beloved, Sita. 

कहेउ राम बियोग तव सीता। मो कहुँ सकल भए बिपरीता॥

नव तरु किसलय मनहुँ कृसानू। कालनिसा सम निसि ससि भानू॥

Shri Ram’s words of separation, “O’ Sita, since the moment I got separated from you, everything has turned adverse for me. The fresh leaves of the trees resemble flames, the night feels like the dreadful night of the final dissolution, and even the moon scorches like the sun….

तत्व प्रेम कर मम अरु तोरा। जानत प्रिया एकु मनु मोरा॥

 सो मनु सदा रहत तोहि पाहीं। जानु प्रीति रसु एतनेहि माहीं॥

O ’dearest, the essence of our bond, only my heart knows. And that heart forever dwells with You. Understand the depth of my love through these words.”

This is no ordinary man in love, but the one whom Hanuman describes as

जाकें बल बिरंचि हरि ईसा। पालत सृजत हरत दससीसा॥

जा बल सीस धरत सहसानन। अंडकोस समेत गिरि कानन॥

…by whose might, Brahma, Vishnu, and Mahesh carry on their respective functions of creation, preservation, and destruction, O’ ten-headed Ravan. By whose strength the thousand-headed serpent, Shesha, supports the entire cosmos on his head, along with all the mountains and forests…

When such a man says he fears the thundering of the clouds in the absence of his beloved, you sure know how powerful love can be. It unmans the stoic, humbles the mighty, and strips away the armour that duty and pride so carefully forged. In that moment of longing, he is no warrior, no king—only a man, raw and aching, searching for presence in absence, for warmth in the cold echo of memory. Love, then, is not his weakness—it is his most human truth. With this love, he aims to avenge the wrong, not only for his personal gains but also for the reestablishment of Dharma (यदा यदा हि धर्मस्य ग्लानिर्भवति भारत). When a man actually falls in love, he not only yearns for union but also begins to worship the sacred soul of another being. The journey turns inwards, revealing a hunger not just for presence, but for meaning. Love, in its purest form, transcends from the material, the name, and the face into reverence towards the divine spark within the other. What begins as desire becomes devotion. It is this love that takes the man to Him, the Almighty.

रामहि केवल प्रेमु पिआरा।

To Rama, only love is dear.

It is frightening how quickly love has been replaced by lust in the newer generations. Social media, dating apps, and online validation platforms have shifted attention to appearances and instant chemistry. Lust is easier to market—it sells. Love, on the other hand, is not algorithm-friendly. The precedence order has shifted from soul to visual attraction. While love brings a man closer to the God, lust drags him away from his higher self. Ancient wisdom has long warned us: Kāma, when ungoverned, becomes a fire that scorches the inner world. Tulsidas describes Kāma as the underlying force that compelled King Dasharatha to grant Kaikeyi two boons—an act that ultimately led to Rama's exile.

सुरपति बसइ बाहँबल जाकें। नरपति सकल रहहिं रुख ताकें॥

सो सुनि तिय रिस गयउ सुखाई। देखहु काम प्रताप बड़ाई॥

सूल कुलिस असि अँगवनिहारे। ते रतिनाथ सुमन सर मारे॥

He, on whose mighty arms even Indra, the Lord of the Celestials, rests his confidence, and whose favour was sought by emperors, now shrank at the mere thought of his wife’s displeasure. Such is the power and renown of Kāmadev: those who can endure the searing pain of tridents, thunderbolts, and swords have been grievously wounded by the floral arrows of Kāmadev.

In so-called love, which a man claims to be in, he becomes disrespectful not only to himself but also to his family and friends. All the moral obligations that he has towards them become unworthy in front of the beloved. The 'Bro Code,' popularised by the television series How I Met Your Mother, includes the phrase 'bros before hoes'—a colloquial way of expressing that men should prioritise their male friendships over romantic or sexual pursuits. Yet, in the throes of obsession disguised as love, many men abandon this principle entirely. They abandon friendships, dignity, and self-respect. In an attempt to please or possess, they are willing to go to the extent of emotional servitude —where he tolerates humiliation, neglects self-worth, and bends his spine lower with each compromise. Out of such distorted love, a two-faced hypocrite is born—loyal to none: not to his partner, not to his bros, and most tragically, not to himself. He wears masks to maintain appearances, saying one thing to his beloved, another to his circle, and something entirely different to his own conscience. In trying to please everyone, he betrays all. In trying to hold on to love, he lets go of integrity. He lacks honesty, courage, and conviction for his own views and thoughts. He says what is convenient, not what is true; he does what is expected, not what is right. He is driven by false validations, momentary pleasures, a fake sense of entitlement, and the deception of bonds that are neither deep nor dependable. He loses the ability to distinguish connection and convenience —built on conditions, not commitment.

Digging deeper, one can begin to uncover the psyche behind such behaviour. This is not merely about love gone wrong or misplaced desire—it is a reflection of inner voids left unaddressed. It is an insecurity within oneself. This is frequently rooted in fear—fear of abandonment, of rejection, of being irrelevant. Another reason that is more convincing is insatiable desire or craving for physical pleasure. To cloak its rawness, it is often given a softer, more socially acceptable name—phrases like “pasandida aurat” are used to justify the man’s obsession. It lends charm to what is, in essence, lust in refined clothing. This is where the making of a philanderer begins.

The same Ram, who once trembled at the sound of thunder in Sita’s absence, now stands broken upon seeing his brother unconscious. In that moment, his words echo not as a rejection of love, but as a revelation of deeper values:

सुत बित नारि भवन परिवारा। होहिं जाहिं जग बारहिं बारा॥

अस बिचारि जियँ जागहु ताता। मिलइ न जगत सहोदर भ्राता॥

Sons, wealth, wife, home, and family in this world repeatedly come and go, but real brothers cannot be had again. So, knowing this truth in your heart, arise, dear brother.

जैहउँ अवध कौन मुहु लाई। नारि हेतु प्रिय भाई गँवाई॥

बरु अपजस सहतेउँ जग माहीं। नारि हानि बिसेष छति नाहीं॥

…with what face will I return to Ayodhya, after having lost my beloved brother, for the sake of my wife? It is better to endure the blemish in this world of not returning after recovering my wife. After all, losing a wife is not so significant.

No—his love for Sita has not ended. It endures, sacred and whole. But Ram, as Maryada Purushottam, embodies a love bound by duty, not desire; by principle, not possession. His dharma does not diminish his love—it elevates it. It draws clear the hierarchy of responsibilities, where affection must bend before righteousness. Love teaches sacrifice. Love is sacred. If what you call love is making you weak, hollow, or unrecognisable to your better self, then perhaps it is not love at all, but attachment, obsession, or illusion. Love can not teach to hate. Love is not insecure. Love is liberation of soul. Men in love are not “cute.” They are responsible.